How Parents Can Boost Their Teen’s Self-Esteem

Dear Parents,

​I think it is time for you to hear this....you are the MOST influential figure in your teen’s life. Your superpower is providing your teen with a loving and nurturing environment. Even more, you are teaching your teen how to build a meaningful relationship. So, why does it feel like your teen is growing distant by the hour? It must be frustrating to see your teen’s face light up when they get a notification on their phone while you get a barely audible “hey.” Rest assure, you’re not going crazy! Your teen is just learning about who they are and with that comes the presentation of detachment and aloofness. One of the hardest experience for a teen is learning how to increase their self-esteem. Most teens build their self-esteem from their friends, academic, and/or sports.  Their journey is made more difficult when parents use statements like:

• “Why cant you be more like...?”
• ”You should have gotten an A on that test.”
• ”You’re never going to amount to...”​

You might be well-intentioned and want the best for your child. At the same time, these statements can feel crushing for your teen. Teens are constantly tuning in to how they are being compared, evaluated, and treated, which can have major consequences on their self-esteem. Moreover, teens are quite susceptible to chronic feelings of shame, low self-confidence, and the belief that they have to be someone else in order to get approval.  

Parents, take a moment and reflect on what you needed to hear from your parents when you were a teenager. Use that as the vehicle to start conversations with your teen. To boost your teen’s self-esteem, try this:
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1. Compliment your teen’s values, personality, and the quality of their character 
2. Ask about your teen’s opinion while you actively listen
3. Let them know they are allowed to make mistakes

You can learn more about helping your teen’s self-esteem with our teen group: Healing the SELF-Esteem

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